she's leaving...

on the midnite train to Phoenix...

I got the job! Thanks everyone for you well wishes and positive energy over the last couple of days. I am so excited about this new opportunity. I'm totally overwhelmed and so busy. I hope to have some time to update a bit on this piece over the weekend.

More later...

say a little prayer for me

I'm off to the Big Apple tomorrow to do a little sniffing around and regarding a certain opportunity which might or might not prove to be exactly what I need in terms of my career and life. Hopefully I will be intelligent, quick witted, and charming. Ha!

If you're reading this, send me a little luck?

peace, homeslices.

internet drama

I find it very interesting to read internet drama between bloggers, forum members, discussion group participants, or even email correspondents. It's a weird medium to express opinions sometimes as you don't have the ability to read someone's body language or tone of voice. Things get misconstrued or misunderstood much more easily than if the argument was happening in person.

I think, too, that people are much more likely to get down and dirty (in conversation) on the internet than they are in person. Time is on your side. When you're speaking over the phone or in person quick wit and snappy responses are your only choice. When you're arguing in cyberspace, you have the luxury of penning your words, editing them, using a thesaurus, or fact checking. When you don't have to look the person in the eye or see them everyday it's much easier to throw around derogatory remarks. The aggressor can hide behind their computer and so gets the satisfaction of breaking someone down without having to pay any real life consequences.

Personally, I've found myself in a few heated discussions over the internet. I belong to a yahoo group of strong, independent, smart women. We always share our opinions and sometimes we disagree. Usually though we keep it respectful and under the umbrella of sisterhood. Through that bond, we are lucky to have the opportunity to express who we truly are at the core without too much judgment. There are other forums I visit occasionally where the disagreements are of a much different nature. Usually, I am an observer. I wonder what makes people fly off the handle and take their disagreements to a level of personal degradation. I'm a peace maker and so often have a more mild approach to difficult situations. But, shouldn't respect transcend technology?

I personally believe that every human being is entitled to basic respect from others. Regardless of your beliefs, your past actions or crimes, your economic status or race we have a responsibility as human beings to co-exist peacefully with each other. We don't have to agree and we don't have to be friends, but we should conduct ourselves with a modicum of respect. There is so much negativity in the world, why propagate it? I just feel like those who aggravate just to aggravate sometimes are missing out on the broader picture of possibilities. They might not be inherently bad people, just negative. I'm so thankful that I've come to realize the role that positivity plays in my life. I focus on keeping a positive attitude, on seeing the good in people, on finding opportunities for success. When you get too bogged down in the negative, you miss out on a lot.

ode to ginger ale

head hurts this dreary morning
should have chugged water before bed
not budwieser
yuck
too much work to do
piles are breeding
into mini piles
the taste of cigarettes and vodka
sweats in my mouth
try to wash it away with
ginger ale
it helps my tumbly tummy
tired, want bed
want my purple blanket
with the satin edges
too much work to do
have to focus
and hope the non-asprin pain reliever
kicks in soon

ween I

The Mollusk

Hey little boy, whatcha got there?
kind sir it's a mollusk i've found
did you find it in the sandy ground?
does it emulate the ocean's sound?
yes I found it on the ground
emulating the ocean's sound
bring forth the mollusk cast unto me
let's be forever let forever be free

Hey little boy come walk with me
and bring your new found mollusk along
does it speaketh of the trinity
can it gaze at the sun with its wandering eye
yes it speaks of the trinity
casting light at the sun with its wandering eye
bring forth the mollusk, cast unto me
let's be forever let forever be free

You see there are three things that spur the mollusk from the sand
the waking of all creatures that live on the land
and with just one faint glance, back into the sea
the mollusk lingers, with it's wandering eye...

Your the One Rose That's Left in My Heart

I can't concentrate today. Maybe it's because I got only 3 and a half hours of sleep last night. Maybe it's because my allergies have banded together and are trying to take over my nasal passage. I'm listening to Johnny Cash and imagining the open road.

Change is in the air right now. My anxiety level is high. I'm getting rid of as much stuff as I can. I'm thinking and wondering about my boyfriend in Mississippi, helping people, making connections. I'm wondering if our paths will continue in the same direction after the next month or so. I'm wondering where my path will lead.

I've been thinking about the desert lately. Does anyone out there have information, advice or recommendations of sweet communities in Arizona? I need to research, to soak in some of the cultural and personal changes that would come with such an upsweep.

I've realized over the past few months how lucky I am to live in such an awesome community. My friends are far reaching and near to my heart. There are so many opportunities here to bond, to get to know others, to share creatively. I have to live in a place where I can get an iced soy chai (and it won't be from Starfucks). I need writers and artists, I need outdoor enthusiasts and political activists. Do these people commune in Arizona?

If you were going to move to Arizona (and this is completely hypothetical) where would you live?

a butcher, a baker

An Engineer
A Teacher
A Humanitarian
A Chef
A Publisher
A Brewer
A Landscaper
A Social Worker
A Nurse
An Inkeeper
A Student
A Surfer
A Poet
A Banker

It's a really amazing feeling to look around a table or a room, to see so many accomplished young people, to know that they are friends. We are all so different in personality, politics, style, taste. When we come together though we are the same. Threads of respect, admiration and love weave through our relationships. Each of our relationships is unique, each connection differently formed and bonded. This group is powerful and positive. I am blessed to have such an amazing network of friends.

Please tell me that this type of community of caring exists in other places.

pournography

Man, I am all about boingboing these days. I recently came across their link to the photography of Martin Waugh. His Liquid Sculpture attracted my attention and boggled my imagination. He captures a beautiful second in time, where liquid meets liquid.



I was amazed by the shapes captured in these photos. They are so deliberate, so structured. I feel each has it's own unique purpose, it's own personality and desitnation.



Using different liquids with coloring produces different effects. I love the milk and cream photos. The stark contrast between the white milk and the dark milk produces bowl-like shapes. It looks as if they could be ceramic or glass.



Other images evoke emotion. The strength that each of these splashes possesses appears to be monumental in some of Waugh's photos. In others the delicate droplets flying off into space and the twirling disks of water look like graceful ballet dancers.

To see more of Waugh's photos visit his web site.

crusty mouth biter

I was really disturbed last week reading on about a newly discovered parasite that eats the mouth of a fish then latches on and actually replaces the organ. This thing is really disgusting!



Cymothoa exigua is a crustacean. Once it's eaten the tongue, it actually works as a new tongue for the fish helping it to break down food. It literally lives in the mouth of the fish, an imposter, eating what the fish eats and getting fatter and crustier every day. What would you do if you were out fishing and caught a little guy with one of these tongue biters inside it? What if, when you were removing the hook, this thing bit your finger!



The beady eyes are what really get to me. He's just chillin', biting the bottom palatte of the fish's mouth, just waiting for the fish to gobble something up so that it can eat. It seems so large in proportion to the mouth of the fish. I wonder what it does when it gets too big to fit? What does the fish do then without a tongue?

For more information and pictures of parasites, check out this web site. According to this guy, 95% of Americans suffer from some sort of internal parasite.

sigh

This weekend was so full of life lessons, I feel I've grown exponentially as a person in the past few days. Overwhelming and exhausting though it has been, I'm so thankful to have experienced these moments.

I attended the wedding of two good friends on Saturday. They married in a simple ceremony by a pond, surrounded by trees, flanked by arrangements of flowers and hopes. Mrs. Audet is perhaps the most beautiful woman I know. She is pure of heart and spirit that sparkles through her eyes. It was humbling to watch my friends exchange emotional vows and pledge their lives to one another. It reaffirmed my faith in love and commitment in a blessed and sacred moment.

The reception too was an awesome example of what's most important at a wedding. Good friends, a kick-ass band, a gorgeous natural setting, and lots of dancing. The food was absolutely unbelievable. I wish I had photographed the giant wheel of baked Brie or the fresh swordfish and corn salad. Damn, it was good. The number of guests was just right, you couldn't find an air of pretention in anyone there, and the celebration and well wishing of the couple was sincere and lovely.

I found myself thanking God so many times that I was able to be there with my boyfriend. He is such a blessing in my life. I'm thankful that, at this point in my life, I've grown internally to cherish and nurture our relationship on physical, spiritual, and mental levels. I think back to my days of living the single life early last summer, to drunken nights and flings with my friendboys. It was an unhealthy time for me emotionally, I didn't feel like I could stand on my own feet alone and I didn't have enough respect for myself to make the boys I liked play by the rules. This weekend though something switched over in my mental conscious. Things have changed, and I think (hope) they'll remain that way regardless of whether I'm involved with someone or not. This isn't a judgment thing by any means. I could give a rat's patootie what my girls and boys are doing on their own time. Ya'll go on and get that bootie!

The other really empowering lesson I learned was in letting go. Zack left for Montgomery, Alabama yesterday to volunteer with the Red Cross. He's been prepared and waiting for weeks and finally got the call. It's hard to imagine him down there, not knowing what he'll be doing or whether he'll be safe. It's hard to imagine my life without him for the next three weeks. I know though that this is the beginning of a new chapter in his (and possibly my) life. The recovery and rebuilding of the affected Gulf Coast region is a movement in which we both want to participate, to help, to support. It's liberating and inspiring. I'm finding myself wanting to shed the layers of stuff that keeps me tied here. I'm wanting to get out and do something.

I've heard Louisiana is lovely in winter.

I'm Detective John Kimball

Who is your daddy and what does he do?

I've spent way too much time on this web site this morning.

Happy Friday!

simplify

Every couple of months or so, I fly off the handle and get obsessive about order in my life. I'll go through my closet and get rid of clothes, I'll clean out the fridge, I'll vacuum under the couch. This time though, I'm ready for a major overhaul.

Last night I filled up a black yard bag full of clothes from my closet. I think I might even go back for one last ruthless round. I have the hardest time though getting rid of shoes. I have shoes that I'll wear once or twice a year but I just can't bring myself to toss them. Maybe I'll commit to throwing out three pairs, that sounds like a good compromise.

The other Big Thing I'm going to do to my living space is chuck the nick-nacks. The clutter has got to go. This will be about the third round for nick-nack chucking since I moved about a year ago and it's going to be the most severe. My goal is to FILL my car with things to bring to the Goodwill. That means vases, pottery, candle holders, books that I'll never read (oh books, you are so hard to part with), statuettes, bowls, pots and pans, dish towels and linens. I want my shelves to be bare and easy to dust. I want to have just a few pictures, plants, and maybe a special vase or bowl. The rest is history.

Once I'm freed from my stuff, I've got to implement the simple life financial planning system. For the past couple weeks I've been broke as a joke. I've gone without my chai (sigh) and haven't been eating out or drinking out very much. I don't buy clothes like I used to and I haven't even been buying music. It's been challenging, but really good at the same time. I'm wearing simple staples. I'm burning music from friends. I'm making jam!

This has got to be not only a clean sweeping out of clutter, but a new lifestyle. A way of thinking about my resources. I'd much rather have my money in the bank than tied up in stuff. I have everything I need to get by and much more. I'm not out to impress anyone but myself. Wish me luck!

I'll try to post some before and after pictures.

the garden

Living at the Inn has provided my first experience living with a real, working garden. This summer has been a constant treasure trove of flowers, each blooming in their own time, rippling throughout the garden. The harmony of the shifting flowers is bright and calm. The crocuses, tulips, daisies, lilies, peonies, irises, and black-eyed Susans are only those I can name off the top of my head. Others I can only identify by sight--the prickly periwinkle, the red tiny flower clusters, the hot pink spikies. They move through the season, taking turns displaying their beauty.

The other day there were three species of bees sitting on one flower cluster.



The herbs are now in full swing. While the chives are finally starting to die away, the sage is resplendent. It's huge! My favorite herb, so soft and fragrant. I put it in cubed butternut squash Monday night and was instantly transported to Fall. The basil is growing lush and large. Her fate might become a jar of pesto. The mint finally calmed down and is now contained in a pretty little corner under the raspberry bushes. The spearmint resides with the holly and is overwhelmingly sweet. Then there's tarragon and oregano, the quiet brush of our herb garden. The hidden gems. The flat leaf and curly parsley round-out the bunch, providing fresh garnish for our breakfasts.

It's been such a blessing to watch the evolution of this garden throughout the summer. I've learned so much about planting, growing, and cultivating. Things I thought were dead have completely surprised me by coming to life and thriving in the moist sun. I am in love with the earth and all that she's provided for nourishment through beauty.

failure

I started to write a whole post this morning about the bureaucratic inefficiency of the response to Katrina. I had points about the racial and economic divide. Comparisons and contrasts to the 9/11 disaster.

It was haughty and ineffectual. I bounced over to the habitat to see that someone had posted instructions to Google the word "failure". I think the results speak much clearer than me.

home cookin'

Yesterday I harvested some of the wild peaches that are growing in our backyard, along with a bowl full of raspberries and I made jam. Jam oh man, it was fun. I made a relatively small batch and guessed the ratio of fruit to sugar. The super tart peaches cooked slow and low and mixed with the sweet pop of the raspberries turned out a really fresh and fruity sweet spread. To go along with the jam I made some biscuits from scratch.

As if I hadn't fulfilled my domestic goddess urge with all the jam making, I decided to have a go at fried chicken. I've never made actual fried chicken before so I was a little apprehensive. BUT, it turned out fabulously. I took the skin off a few chicken legs b/c I hate skin. Then I drowned them in a salt and peppered milk and egg mixture. They then got dusted with flour, corn flakes, and old bay. Dunked in the milk again and dipped in the flour again for an extra crispy coating. Oh My God. It was so good, fried up all nice and purty and with no rubbery skin. Yum.

Zack made homefries with yukon gold and sweet potatoes. Then we steamed up some green beans to round it all out. I totally wish I had taken pictures to document my immersion on good ol' southern cooking. I can't wait to make this dinner again some time soon!

George Bush Don't Like Black People

Wow.

Spun from Kanye's recent statement at the NBC telethon to raise money for Katrina victims, a protest re-mix by The Legendary K.O, Words by Big Mon and Damien a/k/a Dem Knock-Out Boyz.

Five Damn Days
Five Long Days
At the end of Fifth
He walkin' in like Hey!

Chillin' on his vacation, Sitting patiently
Them black folks gotta hope, Gotta wait and see
If FEMA really comes through in an emergency
But nobody seems to have a sense of urgency


I ain't sayin' he a Gold Digger
But he ain't fuckin' with no broke niggas
Come down Bush
Come on, Come Down

Check it.

Mirror

Link from Boingboing

angels

I can't get some of the hurricane images out of my head. I'm reading everything I can, all day and watching as much as I can take at night. I can't stop imaging what it must be like to be a hurricane victim right now, living in a shelter. I don't know what it's like to have a life one day and have it stripped from you the next. To not know where you family and friends are must be the worst feeling in the world. I can't imagine being alone with only a green cot on a concrete floor, some donated clothes, and any possessions I could carry from the flood waters. The frustrations of waiting in line after line to receive monetary, medical, and social aid must be overwhelming. Not knowing where to go for aid, making sure you get what's available, keeping yourself and your children safe from predators, and holding on the precious few things that define your existence is an overwhelming anxiety ridden task. I cry for these people all day and all night, I can't forget them, I can't block them out. As I sit in my office with the sun shining calmly through the window, I feel guilty. I don't know why my life has been so blessed, why I am comfortable and safe and these people are bare and fragile.

I want to go down there, but I don't know how. If I went, I'd have to leave my job. If I left my job, I couldn't pay off my credit card bills and car debt and insurance and all the shit that doesn't really matter. Is it wrong for me to sit here, doing nothing when I know I could be an able bodied volunteer? I feel like a spoiled brat, sitting pretty in her untouched castle. I have to do something, but how?

Here's a flickr set with pictures from the Astrodome.

50 States of Cheese

This is so cool. Specialty cheeses from each of the 50 states. I so want to try something totally heady from Surfing Goat Dairy in Hawaii like Mango Supreme or Purple Rain.



Wisconsin represents with an array of aged beauties from Carr Valley. And, the Kentucky Farmhouse Swiss looks absolutely divine. Even New Hampshire's got a spot in there with Boggy Meadow Cheese Plant. I've never heard of it, but will definitely check it out.



Now all I need is a baguette and a glass of wine.

Link from EverSoHumble.

pingpong

So often I talk about my cat(s) here and I think I've been remiss to mention one of the most important men (at least I think he's a man) in my life, PingPong. PingPong is my turtle. My BFF Kate gave him to me for my birthday almost 4 years ago. She bought him illegally from a pet shop when he was the size of a silver dollar. He came in a little to-go container and he lived in a tiny 10 gallon tank.




He was so tiny and fragile. I spent hours hovering over his tank, making sure the water was warm enough and that he was eating. It took me forever to get a filtration system that actually worked without splashing water everywhere. To this day, one of the most annoying sounds for me is that of the tank filter splashing into the water. It's like nails on a chalkboard.


I remember when Pingers went through his rock eating phase. For the longest time he would down the little red and blue pebbles in his tank. I'd find little red and blue poops in the video tape maze that I'd make for him to exercise in. I bought bigger pebbles for his tank now and he hardly ever eats rocks anymore. Over the years we've developed our own little games like follow the finger. He loves the rare chances he gets to swim in the giant corner fish tank. He's way too slow to actually catch and eat the fish, but he loves the room to swim just the same. I wonder how much more he'll grow (he's already about 6 or 7 inches long) and how long he'll live (I've heard reports of these guys living up to 35 years!).



I can't imagine my life without my little repillian buddy. He's been with me longer than any houseplant, cat, or boyfriend. One of these days, when I'm rich, I'm going to build him an indoor pond with real plants and all the inch worms he can eat.

ob la di, ob la da

There's something about a new baby that dissolves the world around you. My sister and brother-in-law were up visiting this weekend with their new little girl. Mommy and Daddy are doing such an awesome job with this new, totally huge responsibility. Abby, the babe, is the most beautiful little chunk I've ever seen. She really is a beautiful baby and she's just starting to form her own little personality. I could hold her 9 nine pounds of body and stare at those tiny finger nails and nostrils for hours. The weight of the world just lifts with a baby in your arms. It was easy to forget about my clogged sinuses and tired feet, my parents' crumbling relationship, and Zack's impending departure with the Red Cross. All the sadness and suffering that's going on in our country right now is overwhelming, paired with the political and corporate agendas that are running things I get lost in the moral and human vacuum. I wonder how she'll grow and who she will become. What will she achieve? How will she contribute? My prayers and hope are with her as the challenge to live a decent human life seems to be increasingly challenging with each day.

dreaming tree

I've been having the most vivid dreams this week and they all seem to be connected in some way. Last night I dreamt that I was a fugitive of sorts. I was on the run, escaping with a girlfriend who was in cahoots with me. Another friend of ours came along for fun. We jumped over walls, snuck around houses, and ran through pine forests. We happened upon a tourist destination of sorts, a collection of buildings crawling with toasts. I was worried that one of the toasts would have seen us on the news and try to turn us in. My friend (the one who decided to come along for fun) had to pee and so made us stop in this weird little house where a weird little old man lived with his dog. I decided it was too risky and ran barefoot into some very muddy woods.

The night before I dreamt that I was part of a frisbee team made up of some of my real girlfriends. We were all supposed to gather for frisbee camp in this national park kind of place. My boyfriend was driving me to the place where we were supposed to meet for our first practice, but I kept having to pee. Every time I saw a calendar on someone's door, I would know they had a bathroom and so made him stop. We must have pulled over to pee a thousand times, always rushing to get to practice, always looking for calendars. I missed the practice and still had to urinate.

I've had a few other dreams as well over the past few days that seem to revolve around me rushing and peeing. I usually have to pee when I wake up in the morning (is that too much information for you?) but I've never had this kind of dream over and over again. It's starting to freak me out a little.