bright pink nails

I'm back, I survived. Kate and Joe's wedding went off very well. Kate was, perhaps, the most relaxed bride I've ever seen. We started off the day very early at the hairdresser drinking mimosas underneath mounds of curls, bobby pins, and clouds of hairspray. I wouldn't recommend that every bride start off the party so early as some of us bridesmaids were a little worse for the wear by the time we got to the church. We were there a bit early and actually made the poor limo driver take us to the store so we could smoke butts and buy more alcohol. I just hope the priest didn't get a whiff of the bridal party walking down the aisle.

The ceremony was lovely. Kate looked absolutely beautiful and Joe was smooth as silk. The wedding was early, at 1:30, and the reception followed immediately. Basically we were at Alpine Grove from 3:00 to 10:00pm. For those of you who know this circle of friends, that's an awfully long time to be in front of an open bar. We all had a great time though with plenty of dancing, laughing, catching up with old friends, and celebrating the marriage of two of our bestest friends.

It's a little scary that so many of my friends are all of a sudden tying one off. The commitment factor is so huge it's daunting. How in the hell do you know that the boy you love is The One? I'm lucky if I can commit to an outfit for the day, much less the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. At the same time it's reassuring. Maybe it is possible to grow up, to know for sure that the person you love is going to be by your side forever. I'm certainly in no rush to find out what it feels like for myself. I'm happy to lollygag with my baby for a while playing hard and being in love without worrying too much about the future. But, I'm so happy and honored to stand next to my girls who have it all figured out.

that's the way I like it

I often write about the power of the feminine on here. And, it's not to jam feminism down anybody's throat or to try and discount the power of the masculine. Anyone who knows me knows I loves me some men. It's just that over the past 10 years or so, my view of women has drastically changed. Perhaps it's because 10 years ago I was a 16 year old tomboy. I guarded my boyfriends closely and resented other females who stole their attention with big boobs and lip gloss.

When I went off to college I was blessed to fall naturally into an amazing group of females who I still love to this day. That group of women taught me that it's okay to be feminine, that I can be smart and domestic at the same time, that dancing and laughing and hugging are integral parts of daily life. They embraced me without judgment, without expectations, without boundaries, without hairspray.



These days, I embrace my feminine side. I love dresses, baking, and mascara. More than anything I love my girls. I love that my circle of girlfriends has expanded to include a diverse group of successful, smart, athletic, and loving women. It's miraculous what can happen when you drop walls that are built from fear. Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriends just the same. They fill my life with laughter, protection, strength, attraction, and testosterone--things a girl cannot live without.

In my life now, I think I may have actually achieved a yin-yang balance, if you will, between the male and female influences. When we get down to it, we're all just human. It's about who you are outside your gender that really counts. However, there's just something understanding and special about the bonds that form between females. I'm glad I didn't miss out on that.

directions to nowhere

It turns out the direction I thought I wanted to head in my work life is not going to work out this time around. I'm definitely a little disappointed. I had envisioned myself in a new, more challenging position, making a little bit more money. It's not my time though, I guess. Maybe I need more experience. It's an odd feeling for me, not getting something I want in this capacity. I've never, in my life, been rejected for a job. I've always got what I wanted and I guess I should be grateful that my success streak lasted as long as it did.

I'm left a little frustrated though. I need something to happen. I'm about to keel over with boredom some days. I've got too many spare hours during my work day. I'm not nearly working to my potential and that's at the heart of my discontent right now. I know I can do more and I'm frustrated that there appears to be no opportunity for me. I'm here, use me! I guess I'm fairly young in the scheme of things, but my age doesn't define my ability. I work hard and am constantly striving to learn more; in so doing I've worked myself bored. What does it take to move on? Do I have to sit stagnant for two more years to be 'promoted' to a new title, same job?

What to do?

homealone (and other randomata)

It's usually pretty crazy on a day to day basis where I live. Between people checking-in and out, friends dropping by, and all the other peeps that come and go at the Inn there's rarely a time when I'm home all alone. This weekend though was an exception. While the Inn was bumping with guests, my roommate was away as were many of my friends. I relished in time to lay on the couch uninterrupted, to spend alone time with my boyfriend, to clean and organize, and not have to deal with anyone but the cats messing shit up.

Did anyone watch the ESPY's last night? The Ashe Award winners were particularly noteworthy for me. I was so touched by the story of Jim MacClaren who was hit by a bus and lost his leg. He rehabilitated and went on to become an Ironman triathlete only to later be hit by a truck. Doctors told him he'd be a quadriplegic but he didn't listen. He went on to found the Challenged Athlete's Foundation. The other recipient of the award was Emmanuel Ofosu Yeboah from Ghana who was born without a tibia. He became involved with the Challenged Athlete's Foundation and is doing everything in his power to help get the disabled in Ghana off the streets. I am so amazed and in awe at the courage, mental and physical strength, and sheer will power that these men possess. What an inspiration.

For anyone who might care, SportsCenter is going to be broadcasting from the great state of New Hampshire today. If you're lucky you might catch a glimpse of the Fishercats. Ha!

This weekend I visited my favorite beach. We'll call it Secret Beach (S.B) because its location is a secret to many locals. It's such a beautiful beach. The water was crystal clear, calm, and actually not freezing. One of the beauties of S.B. is that right over the hill behind it is double secret beach (D.S.B), an even more secluded and lovely place to hang out. The only bad thing about S.B is that the greenheads have emerged from their cocoons or whatever and they are HUNGRY. Unfortunately, they loved my legs and toes and back and arms. Next time I think I'm going to bring some deet.

Well, today's Monday. The start of another week. I'm tired from a lack of sleep last night. I think I'll drink another cup o' tea.

Peace.

16 days and counting

I'm not sure how I feel about life today. I woke up and immediately wanted to be back asleep. I feel as if I could lay in my bed, surrounded by pillows, wrapped in my purple blanket with the satin edges and sleep my life away. I'm tired down to my bones, but from what? I don't know. Maybe it's the stress of my job lately. Maybe it's being overworked at home. Maybe it's due to the fact that most of my friends seem to have an infinite amount of free time to play their summer days away while I don't seem to have a second of time to myself. My next day off is next Thursday when I'll promptly be entering wedding land. So, as I figure it, the next day I'll actually be able to sleep in is July 30. That's only 16 days away. Super.

Here are some pictures I found from a link on boingboing. These are real clouds. They're called mammatus and they develop in sinking air, often after a big thunderstorm or tornado.




Damn, it looks comfy inside that cloud. What I wouldn't give to curl up into a tiny ball and snuggle down into the soft cradle of a mammatus cloud.

no fair

It's not fair! Everybody I know and love has the day off today. I am stuck inside working. Boo. I want to be at the beach. I want to be at the beach now.

rootin', tootin', shootin', and lootin'

Howdy partners. I'm here to say I survived my first improptu poker game in a while. It took me a little while to get used to the betting and when I was actually supposed to throw chips into the pot. Damn, it was actually fun though. Texas hold'em ain't quite as bad as I thought it would be. I've always been hesitant to get too involved with betting games as I tend to loose EVERY TIME, but last night was all about fun so it didn't matter. Could this be the start of a new and loverly relationship? I wouldn't get your hopes up, but you never know.

in a minute

Things have been super busy around here lately. This weekend was awesome. I hosted a bachelorette party for one of my bestest friends on a yaht for a couple of days. Hopefully some pictures will come soon. I definitely need pictures to tell the story. It was great. Thanks to all the girls who came out and represented.

I've got a billion and one things to do today for work and for home. Hopefully, I'll be able to pop back in here and write something worthwhile later on. I'll also be unveiling a new design in the next couple of days. I'm just working out a few kinks right now. It's going to be awesome. AWESOME!

Peace be with you, interenet.

9:00

when did we start to fear 9:00?
my heart is with London tonight.

democrazy

i wonder why our country, so often praised and revered for being founded on principles of liberty and justice, has moved so far from these ideals. i don't understand how uber-patriotic types wave their flags high praising our president, backing the war in Iraq, and hailing the great liberties our country has afforded us. don't they understand that their suvs, walmarts, and frivolous spending are all contributing to this war? i completely support our soldiers and appreciate the ideals that they are risking their lives to protect. what i cannot support though is our presence in a country which has never wanted us there.

my mother and i often debate the war in Iraq and, even though she's a hard core republican, i have to merit some of her points. there were so many injustices happening in that country under Saddam's regime. however, there are injustices far greater and suffering more widespread all over the world, particularly in Africa. if our government is so concerned with helping the people, why did we not focus our efforts on relief in an entire continent deprived of food and medical resources? instead, we are torturing civilians and forcing an impractical government on a nation that's fiercely resisting. we are propagating racial profiling and jeopardizing our nation's security. why not take the BILLIONS of dollars that are currently being spent to try and save our American pride and spend them on humanitarian efforts for people who want and need our help? i heard president Bush in an address the other day actually say that we can't pull out of Iraq because we'd be sending the message that the US can be waited out, that we give up. is our foolish pride really more important than helping the millions of people in need?

lift your voice. donate what you can. volunteer where you can. send a message to your family, friends, fellow-citizens, and government that our priorities need to change. don't let hopeless complacency and ignorance outweigh humanity.

http://www.one.org

do it

townie

Some lady stopped me for directions the other day and asked me if I was a local. I was a bit taken aback as I've never really thought of myself as a local to Portsmouth. I wasn't born here and in the grand scheme of things, I haven't been here that long. I feel like a local though. I live in town and so I'm always running around Market Square and the Banke. I've come to love this town as if it were my own. I haunt the Riverun Bookstore and Paper Patch when nobody's looking. I get my coffee at BNG just like everyone else--but I'm starting to recognize and get to know the peeps that work there. I've eaten at just about every local restaurant except a couple of really nice ones that I'm saving for a special occasion. I have secret shortcuts to avoid the traffic when the bridge is up. I help to run a local business. And, most importantly, the friends I've made here are for life.

As I was laying out on the deck yesterday, overlooking the garden we've been trying to tame this summer I felt an overwhelming flood of gratitude for my situation. I feel so lucky to live here! It's beautiful. All those long, cold, desolate months of winter certainly do pay big with 80 degree weather, a slight sea breeze, and the intense natural beauty of the trees and plants native here. Where else on earth can you lounge on your back deck, listening to a live salsa band playing at the museum, soaking up private rays of sunshine, surrounded by flowers and friends? Nowhere but here.

Here are some pictures from the backyard...



The Garden (flowers) I forgot to upload the herbs and raspberries.


Bee's Eye View

independence day

My internet at home is slooowww, so I'll post my Independence Day wishes today. I'll be bbq'ing in Maine under the stars, next to the cows. I can't wait to spend some time with good friends, drinking good beer, and eating good food. It will be nice after the all day painting excursion that's planned for tomorrow. Have fun peeps!


play nice with fire