chai guy

It's official, I have fallen madly in love...with chai. Chai, for those of you who don't know, is a heavenly Indian Spiced Milk tea. It's made from a blend of black tea, cinnamon, cardamom, ginger, pepper, and who knows what else. Since the weather is scorching around here these days, I've been prone to indulging in an iced chai at least once a day, sometimes twice if I'm lucky.

The chai at Breaking New Grounds (local coffee shop) is really the best there is. Trust me. Last night I sampled a chai from a coffee shop in Ogunquit and was sadly disappointed. The thing that really makes the chai at BNG so good is the delicate balance between the creamy milk (usually soy for me) and the dark spicy tea. Served over gently melting ice cubes it quenches a thirst that resides deep down where my love of coffee used to live.

I quit coffee back around the time I first started this blog. It was a tough transition and since then I've always felt like something was missing from life. I didn't look forward to English Breakfast or Earl Grey the way I used to spring out of bed for Rainforest Nut. I feel something changing though in my addictive personality. I've embarked upon a new phase, there's a new muse to be courted. She treats me better than coffee ever did, preserving the integrity of my bowels and gently nudging my energy level to alert though never wired.

Since my new lovely friend Chai entered my life, my pocketbook is straining. She's pricey at $5.00 (with tip) for a choy (my pet name for a soy chai). If I'm going to remain in this relationship, I've got to start making it myself. I bought some herbal chai from the Mustard Seed but it didn't do it for me. It's got to be black tea based for me. I think I might try to combine the herbal tea with some darjeeling when I get home. I'll chill her out for a while and spike her with a little soy. Cross your fingers ladies and gentlefolk, this could change my life.

Here's a recipe for chai if you want to try it out yourself:).

Masala Chai

1-1/2 cups water
1 inch stick of cinnamon
8 cardamom pods
8 whole cloves
2/3 cup milk
6 tsp. sugar (or to taste)
3 teaspoons any unperfumed loose black tea

Put 1-1/2 cups water in saucepan. Add the cinnamon, cardamom, and cloves and bring to a boil. Cover, turn heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Add the milk and sugar and bring to a simmer again. Throw in the tea leaves, cover, and turn ff the heat. After 2 minutes, strain the tea into two cups and serve immediately.

From Madhur Jaffrey's Indian Cooking, Barron's, New York, p. 196 (1983).

N-Joy!


PS: I find it rather odd that the Blogger spell check recognizes 'cardamom' but not 'blog'.

ogunquit

There's something special to me about stealing away from the world and escaping, if only for a few hours. Zack and I went up to Ogunquit for a couple of hours the other day and I felt as though we were a million miles away. We drove up the coast along winding beach roads, passing golf courses and beautiful houses. I would love to own a house one day on the beach. A modern cape with clean lines and alternative building materials. I'd have long grassy plants and flowers in the yard. I'd have floor to ceiling windows overlooking a very private section of white sandy beach.



I'd never been to Ogunquit before and I was pleasantly surprised. The first thing I noticed (and it could have been because it was mid-afternoon on Tuesday) was the astounding number of elderly people flocking to the water. They formed a parade of cameras, canes, socks hiked up to knees, wide brimmed hats, and fanny packs. We went down to the water ourselves, and once past the cluster of sandy kids rampaging their tired tired parents the beach was rather lovely. The water was crystal clear greenish blue, unlike water I've ever seen at a New England Beach. I didn't bring proper attire for the beach and so had donned Z's swimming trunks with my light pink tank top. We walked in the water following the coastline for quite a while until we came to a secluded section of beach. So relaxing and beautiful.

This little trip up North got my traveling bug itching again. It's been itching for some time now, but these little jaunts to close-by adventures make me yearn to travel the globe. I want to see Italy and New Zealand. I want to spend some real time in Africa and Alaska. One day, I hope, we'll take the afternoon off and won't be seen again for at least 6 months maybe a year if we're lucky.

kristin marie

Overwhelming angst boils spoiled
onto the parched linoleum.
Without income the outcome for her son
is stunned victim.
The numb cracks in the foil floor recoil poor
and squirm lackadaisical like a languid worm
Proclaiming the poignant decent of this pregnant parent,
indifferent to her infant.

Unkempt visions of safety and success
drip under this nasty nation’s foundation,
where partisan puddles of damp delusion
water the dormant roots of ivy and hope.
They wearily wait for the savior sun to nourish this nameless neighborhood.

They understood, she’d come home if she could.
The black bars and topaz glass window panes
reflected the neglected future of her seeds.
Collected and injected she drew the shades,
left them emptied to bleed
on the dismal pedestal from which she slipped and fell.
Leaving her babies heartsick
for her caustic lipstick kisses.

Big brother has no intention to question ambition or mention tuition
He’s been slingin’ now to bring in a livin’, soverign.
Solid without her squalid skin and despondent demeanor
--they haven’t seen her.

And so depressed and stressed mama’s grace
is replaced by mace to save face.
Retribution for pragmatic misdemeanors lends cause to
hurtle rocks against locks and soap boxes.
Once buried and bruised,
she leaned on booze as an excuse for abuse.

Broken butterfly wings now litter the sidewalk,
obstructing the direction of her daydreams for moonbeams
and the resurrection of dampered daddies.
Snuffed by soot and cigarette ashes,
splashes of guilt are smeared on street corners
by her childrens’ broken curiosity of a world
which once to them seemed bigger than her criminal culpability.

bmm 10/04

what the fug?

As some of you may know, we've been cat sitting for the cutest cat in the world. Fuggles is a grey and white tabby with a round face and a little pink nose. She really is the cutest cat IN THE WORLD. It took her a long time to warm up to us. She didn't like the other cats at first and definitely didn't want to be messed with by imploring humans. She's a very naughty girl. There's a streak of irresistible mischief in her that compels her little paws to knock over every glass of water she finds. With one roll over her bunny belly in the air and bubble gum tongue sticking out her mouth, all is forgiven. She's come around now and has endeared herself to us more than iced chai with soy, which is saying a lot. She has a small squeaky mew that often sounds like a rickety door but which she uses like butter to grease the wheels of my heart. I'm telling you, it's irresistable.

Since the arrival and endearment of Fug, Obi has become a different man. He's an outside prowler now. He's lost all of his baby fat and now wears a more solemn expression of an serious bachelor. He has a secret life among the gardens and brush that I can only imagine. I've been wishing that Fuggles and Obi would fall in love, but I don't think it's going to happen. While they are definitely friendly, I'm not sure the chemistry is quite there. Perhaps it all went out the window the day Fuggles drew blood from Obi's nose. Maybe he feels inferior to her brave stance in the face of dogs. Whatever the case, I'm not holding out for grand-kittens (not that it's possible anatomically anyway). My little boy is all grown though, making his own decisions wandering the town. It's risky and I'm scared, but he seems to have come into his own.

And then, we've got the mystery that is Isabella still lingering in the humid fog of optical illusions. Nobody's seen her days, possibly weeks. Is she still living under the couch, hiding in the basement? Or, has she escaped to freedom without the persecution of humans? The enigma remains mysterious.

I guess I've rounded the corner and headed straight into the land of crazy cat lady.

miscellany

The cats have acquired a nasty case of the fleas which grosses me out to no end. I thought I was being all responsible and I bought this super expensive 'earth friendly' flea killer to put on their necks, but the fleas have persisted. Nasty buggers. I want to bomb the place, but we've got a feral cat who is uncatchable and would probably be poisoned to death if we let one off. Damn cats.

This weekend is my lovely friend Britt's bachelorette party. Whoop! I'm psyched to run around Boston for a night. It's been way too long since I've been in the city.

Since I've paid off much of my computer, I thought it was a good idea to increase my debt just a smidge more and buy an mp3 player. Dudes, this thing is so cool. I've got a shit-ton of music uploaded into this baby already. This is revolutionizing my life as we speak. All music, all the time. I got one of those fm adapters so I can tune my player to a radio station. Whoa. Technology is so weird! I love it!

My orchid is dying. For Christmas last year Zack gave me a beautiful white and pink orchid that stretched to infinity, so graceful and light. I think I've just about killed it and I'm sad. I tried to give it sunlight, but I think it lived in darkness for too long and it's loosing it's precious leaves. Maybe I'll take it over to the flower shop to see if they can save her.

Well, I'm sure this post has pretty much bored everyone. I'll try to think of something more creative for next time.

the detrimental effects of rageahol

Back in February, I was driving down Rte 1 and I put my directional on to turn into a gas station. I realized at the last minute that it was the wrong turn and I hopped back into traffic, cutting off a white mini-van. At the moment I was totally stressed out after having returned from a business trip exhausted to visit my boyfriend in the hospital. I was having a hard time dealing with life and while I can't say my actions were safe or smart, they were certainly unintentional.

Anyway, I drove down the road a bit and then turned into another gas station. The mini-van came barreling around the corner and skidded into the deserted parking lot. This fat, half-bald man got out of his jesus fish and yellow ribbon stickered van and started screaming at me. I mean screaming, at the top of his lungs. At me--a distraught twenty-something unaccompanied female.

I stood there with hands in the 'don't shoot' position, repeating "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry". He called me an asshole and told me that if I ever did anything like that to him again he was going to "kick my ass". Meanwhile his teenaged daughter had slid open the side door and was apologizing for the mortifying behavior of her psychotic father. The jelly-bellied jerkoff waddled back into his van and drove to the Market Basket across the way.

I remember getting back into my car and breaking down sobbing. I cried and cried feeling scared and frustrated and angry. There was nothing I could do about it. There have been a few other times in my life when I've been confronted with really angry people. I usually have the same reaction--freeze and/or start crying. It always astounds me that these seemingly heartless bastards have the audacity to project their unhappiness at someone else in such a threatening way. What turns that switch that makes people fly off the handle? What makes them think that just because they aren't using physical force, it's okay?

I don't think that this guy (and many of the other anger freaks I've known) is an awful man. I'm sure he loves and cares for his family. He might do all kinds of wonderful things for people. And, he certainly supported our soldiers. He was totally the type of person who goes to church each week touting the virtues of abstinence and loving thy neighbor, but supports war and unleashes verbal fury at fragile young women.

As hard as I've tried, I can't forget that day. Today someone called the Inn screaming about the $20.00 cancellation fee. She yelled at me over the phone like I had just accosted a member of her family. I really feel sorry for people who harbor such anger inside them, and even sorrier for people who have no discretion in choosing those on whom they release their fury. I'm trying to forget that pitiful lady named Phyllis and her berating New York accent in my ear drum. I guess if I soak up her bad energy and let it ruin my day, then she wins. I know I'm supposed to try to let her pathetic, immature outburst roll off my back and chalk it up to a lesson learned in 'how I never, ever want to act'. It just totally rocked my whole sense of security and comfort leaving me feeling depleted and sorry for myself.

help a cracka out

I think, in some ways, I'm an Internet cracka. I don't really know too much about the technological or developmental side of things. It's totally something I love learning about, but I don't always know where to start. For instance, I started out on a mission this morning to figure out how to register a domain name and find a hosting service, but I ended up signing up for some wealth enhancing e-newsletter and being bombarded with spam and pop-ups. This is not what I want!

See, I'm thinking about starting up my own freelancing business. I'll be focusing on rights and permissions services, perhaps dabbling in editorial if it comes my way. One part of my master plan to actually make some money at this is to establish a web presence. I have no idea where to start, what to search, or how much money this 'should' cost me. If anyone out there reads this and has any ideas, please don't be shy. I just need a basic web site and somewhere to put it. I've figured out some design stuff after piddling around with my blog, so I think I can handle that part. It's just the getting started part that's blocking my brain right now.

Send me an email or a comment if you've got any ideas.
Spanks!

dreaming about those dreamy eyes

today was a day full of paper piles, phone calls, research, and the continuing prayer to figure out what it is I'm doing with my life. things were bored and bleak until my afternoon was surprisingly punctuated with flowers, googely eyes, and reassurance that this is just the beginning.



orchids carried into my office by a tall, long-haired prince charming make me smile all the livelong day (as does my camera phone).

baby I've got your money

I'm so happy to report to you, dear reader, that my site meter busted the 1,000 original hits mark. Sweet ass!

Now that I'm all high on life about the possibility someone will actually read this, I want to make it clear that this blog is not just about me. It about you, too. You lovely, lovely reader, are what makes this blog go round. Please don't be shy. If there is something you want to see here, want to know about me, want to discuss just speak up!

Thanks for reading my thoughts, rambles, and nuggets of opionion. I know it ain't all that smart or insightful, but daggumit it's me.

peace.

through the back door with a bonnet

Jenness

grainy toes

mudgull

take that, bitch

the view so nice

waves!

yo

don't touch that squirrel's nuts!

Last night I finally went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was a bit of an adventure, as many outings including 7 people, two cars, and a torrential rain storm can be. We hydroplaned all the way down to Reading to see the epic remake in IMAX. I love IMAX. I saw Batman Begins there and now I just can't go back. There's something about the cushy seats, the ginormous screen, and the 3-D trailers that just gets to me.

So we get there, navigate through Jordan's furniture, stand in line, and the power goes out. Zack and I took the immediate resulting chaos as an opportune time to sneak in the theatre. Our efforts at stealing were unrewarded though as we soon realized the power was not coming on anytime soon. So the whole mess of us spent about 20 minutes perusing dining room tables, bed sets, and armoires in the dark with sales people cautiously eyeing us.

Around 8:00 we decided to go back up to Newington and catch the 9:35 show. I was zoning out and we took 128 instead of 95 and by the time I realized it we were in Salem, MA. Lucky for us, I used to live down there and we soon found our way back in the right direction. Once we got back in home territory we had some time to kill before the movie so we stopped in at TGIFriday's for a drink. I ordered a very large blood-orange margarita and gulped it.

Three hours after leaving the house we finally arrived at our destination, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Now, it could have been because I was overly tired and anxious from sitting in the car forever or because by this point I was slightly intoxicated but I didn't really like it all that much. I hated that there was only one Oompa Loompa. I'm not a fan of digitally doing things that you can do with people. It just seemed kind of lazy. How cool would the dancing scenes been if they had featured individual Loompas?



I'm normally a big fan of Johnny Depp, but his performance just didn't do it for me in this one. He did an excellent job conveying the child-freak aspect of Wonka's personality, but I felt like he failed to portray the real genius that is Wonka. He was a bit insipid and feeble minded in this one. I was also expecting a little bit more in the visual department. I was hoping to see some wacky machinery and boiling cauldrons in the invention room and a lot more variety in the candy forest. Where was the lickable wallpaper? And, what happened to the Fizzy Lifting Drink and Slugworth? Were they not so much a part of the original book or something?




I did love the squirrels though. I thought they were excellent so fast and furious, frenzied yet with purpose. I also enjoyed the triptastic blue swirl floor and the yellow Loompas dancing happily around the hole. And, Charlie. Charlie was great. He did a fabulous job looking poor and pitiful yet honest and true to his heart.

All in all I give Charlie and the Chocolate Factory 3 beans out of 5.

I'll set out running but I'll take my time

Banana scones from Breaking New Grounds are perhaps the perfect breakfast. So moist and and tasty. Yum. Pair it with a iced soy chai and I'm starting my day off on a good note.

I'm trying to infuse a little bit more of the positive into everyday life around here. I'm a positive person, really I am. It's just that doing the same boring thing everyday gets to me. By the end of a long unproductive day, I'm ready to chop heads which is so not my style. I've had an itch for movement for a while now and it's starting to become a big scratchy rash. I need out. I really want to take off to California with my boyfriend. I've got a beautiful little life here that I'm so thankful for. But, I'm settled and I'm getting antsy.

Where should I go? What should I do?

I've been tossing this message out into the universe for a while now and haven't figured out a very clear answer yet. So, I'm throwing it out to the interweb. Anybody want to trade lives?

religious calculator

My friend Allison recently sent a link to a 'religious selector' to a group of our friends. It's proved rather interesting to see how we rank. After answering 20 questions, the selector tells you which religion your beliefs most accurately fall into. The quiz tabulates how accurately your views match-up with the beliefs of more than two dozen religions*. The questions, for me, were thought provoking. While it's not an in depth psycho-analysis or religious IQ, there's some food for thought in there.

In case anyone is interested, here are my results:
1. Mahayana Buddhism (100%)
2. Neo-Pagan (98%)
3. New Age (97%)
4. Unitarian Universalism (90%)
5. Theravada Buddhism (89%)
6. Hinduism (85%)
7. Liberal Quakers (83%)
8. New Thought (81%)
9. Taoism (78%)
10. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (67%)
11. Jainism (65%)
12. Scientology (63%)
13. Mainline - Liberal Christian Protestants (62%)
14. Orthodox Quaker (58%)
15. Secular Humanism (55%)
16. Sikhism (52%)
17. Reform Judaism (51%)
18. Bahá'í Faith (43%)
19. Seventh Day Adventist (31%)
20. Orthodox Judaism (29%)
21. Non-theist (27%)
22. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (24%)
23. Mainline - Conservative Christian Protestant (18%)
24. Eastern Orthodox (16%)
25. Islam (16%)
26. Roman Catholic (16%)
27. Jehovah's Witness (12%)

I was really surprised to find that Christian Scientist and Scientology ranked so high on my list. The thing that struck me as kind of neat with this little quiz is that it takes spiritual beliefs out of the context of their religions. Obviously, some belief answers do give way to their fundamentals (ie. God is creator, Heaven is a place, the Devil contributes to evil). But, as a one who tends to lean away from Christian doctrines, I found the multiple choice answers outside of those obviously Christian very interesting to think about.

One question that really stuck in my mind was "Why is there so much suffering in the world?". I don't believe that we're still repenting for Adam and Eve's sin and I'm pretty sure that 'God' doesn't have suffering in his 'plan' for me, so I am left with the following choices:

--Suffering is a state of mind, (or illusion); only our spiritual nature is real.
--Spiritual or cosmic imbalance and disharmony may result in suffering.
--Unwholesome thoughts and/or deeds (greed, hatred, and violence) in this or prior lives return as suffering (karma).
--None of the above; human suffering has nothing to do with the supernatural or karma.

I can pretty easily cross off the idea that unwholesome thoughts in this life or those of the past return to a person as suffering. Sometimes I like to think that karma is real, that my good deeds will come back my way and that those who are dishonest and cruel will pay for it down the road. It just doesn't hold up universally though. How then would you explain all the bad things that happen to really good people? The same can be said for the spiritual balance and harmony option. When one is in harmony with his spirit, should he be 'protected' from suffering? It's nice to think that God would look out for those who are connected spiritually and protect them for harm, hurt, and pain. But, again, how do you explain all the bad things that happen to those who are 'in harmony'? Is it that they are not really in harmony, that their degree of harmonious spirituality is just a little shy of 100% and so they are left to suffer? That kind of thinking doesn't make sense in my world. In my world God doesn't determine arbitrarily how a person feels or doesn't feel. However, it may be possible for a person to transcend suffering through spirituality, which brings us to another option.

I've often wondered if suffering is a state of mind. For me, suffering seems to be more satient, more connected to the body. When I am suffering it can consume me. Mourning the loss of a loved one, experiencing prolonged physical pain, or being stuck in an oppressive situation all fit under my definition of suffering. Suffering, just like love or hate or joy is a state of mind, but it's a state that is rooted in the body. If a person is starving alone in the middle of the desert surrounded by vultures, I (and probably he) would say he is suffering. Perhaps some men or women can transcend suffering and so transcend many human emotions and sensations. But, how does one get there? Is it a matter of accepting your 'fate'? Is it a state of mind and mental will-power? Does one reach a state of being, like nirvana, where he is finally freed of the bonds that less evolved minds are subject to on this earth? This seems to be a possibility. As evolutionary spiritual creatures, I would hasten to guess that it's possible to transcend suffering.

Or, is it none of the above? Is suffering as we know it just a biological function that has no connection to the spiritual?

Take the Test for yourself. Let me know how you score.

*Curiously enough, I don't see agnostics or atheism on the list.