full disclosure

Blogging is so weird! I sometimes wonder why I spend a chunk of my time everyday reading about other people's lives and opinions. It seems a bit voyeuristic, reading stories about Dooce's poops and Electrolicious' camping and hooping trips. I wonder how Cibi and her new hubby are doing on their honeymoon, and wait with baited breath for Mrs. Kennedy's side-splitting renovation. It's weird. I don't know any of these bloggers face-to-face, but I feel connected to their lives through their blogs.

This gets me thinking and reflecting about my own blog. Is it that interesting, is it that personal, is it that addictive? I hesitate to write some of my thoughts and share some of my stories because, by nature, I am not a public person. Those of you that know me, know I'm quiet (sometimes) and I'm not keen on disclosing my personal matters and affairs to people I don't know. I rarely let others glimpse the chaos that flutters inside my brain on a daily basis. But somehow, writing about it all on the internet seems okay. I try to draw a line so that I'm not invading or displaying other people's personal matters. I hesitate even to post pictures of my friends. They are such integral and lovely parts of who I am though, I can't help but share bits and pieces.

Maybe all the introspective thought and sharing of feelings is too honest. I'm not even this honest with most people I know. Why do I feel it's okay to spew my innermost reflections for the rest of the world to read?

Perhaps it's because I think that nobody is actually ever going to read my blog.

Blogging has become a tool for validation. I think, by writing my thoughts, I'm exercising and releasing ideas and dreams and ideals that otherwise stay in my private journal, never reaching people. Maybe I subconsciously want people to know me for who I am point-blank, without niceties or nuance. Maybe I'm looking for someone to say--'hey, I think that way too. you're just as lost as I am'. Whatever the reason, I continue to spill my guts to you, oh internerd. You have become my sounding board, my soapbox, my quiet (or not so quiet) listener. For that I thank you.