Friday, October 14, 2005

so damn lucky

I am one lucky woman. I haven't talked about it too much on here as I try to mix work with my blog, but in addition to my regular 9-5, for the past year I've lived and worked in a Bed and Breakfast. It's in a creaky old house with uneven wood floors, crumbling chimneys, and chipped paint. It's the most comfortable and inviting place I've ever lived. Sally owns the Inn is one of the most amazing women I've ever met. She started this business on her own with two little ones at her heels. Over the years she built a solid foundation on sourdough blueberry pancakes, good conversation, and an open door. I can't count how many people have come to her for a hot cup of coffee, a warm bed, a wedding or an anniversary, a job, a home, a family.

Sally has done more for me than she will ever know probably. She welcomed me into her home, her business, her family. She's my othermother--the woman I came to when my parents separated, when my boyfriend and I broke up, when I quit my job. Always with a cup of tea, Sally has been there to offer support and encouragement. She gave me the opportunity to realize my dream of being an Innkeeper. This experience has sparked a desire within me to have my own Bed and Breakfast one day. I want to bake bread, grow herbs, and decorate rooms. I want to tend a garden, make cheese, and run my own business. It all seems so much more plausible now that I've experienced it firsthand.

I'll be very sad to leave the Inn. I've complained countless times about snobbish guests, the imperfections of an old house, the incessant bell and reservation requests at 11:00pm. But, these inconsequential things were a tiny price to pay for all the summer nights on the back porch overlooking the rose arbor, for skip (or stumble)into town, for the 'family' dinners, for the fresh baked coffee cake, for the fresh herbs and raspberries, and for the fireside friendships. I'm now just one of the people in a long line who have become part of this Inn, and for that I am forever grateful.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

it started with a chill in the air

it started with a chill in the air

the sneezing began
bless you, bless you
a million times an hour

the nose began to drip
like water from a leaky faucet
a tissue served as a dam

the stuffy head floated
far from reason and numbers
the eyes stared blankly at the screen

chills ran through to the bone
blankets heaped on blankets
mouth breathing through the night

woke to partched and swollen throat
the day dragged by
sleepy head began to pound

lots of tea but little pee
a stuffy nose and achy bones
i'm too busy to be sick

Monday, October 10, 2005

the incident

On Saturday night we went to see The String Cheese Incident at the Hampton Casino Ballroom. I know I've mentioned my love of the Ballroom on here before, but let me reiterate how much I love this place. I love it!

Cheese is a dancing band. I love their music but I don't tend to listen to them that often. However, in a live setting, they break it down. Their Caribbean melodies paired with African beats and a hint (or sometimes an overwhelming gulp) of bluegrass get the feet moving. I was bouncing up and down like a pogostick for hours. Unfortunately, we missed the opener which apparently was a very cool African drum ensemble.

During the first song of the second set a beautiful African woman took the stage dancing in wide rhythms with big arms and powerful legs. It was inspiring. I am definitely going to look for a modern African dance class when I get out west. I haven't taken a dance class since I was in middle school, but over the years the idea has become more prominent in my mind.

All the dancing got mixed with a lot of kissing as my boy is finally home. It is unbelievable to wake up next to him, to see his smiling eyes from across the room, to fall into his hug. I am a very lucky woman. We are truly blessed.

Speaking of blessings, here are a couple of pictures of my sister's baby Abigail. Isn't she beautiful!?!

Don't I look motherly here? She looks terrified.

Friday, October 07, 2005


I swore to myself almost 3 years ago that I would never, ever do this. I would not live with a man unless I was married. End of discussion.

However, I find myself in quite the opposite frame of mind these days and I'm actually feeling quite excited about the prospect of living under the same roof as my beau.

You see, I had a bad experience a few years back. In my last year(s) of college I dated a boy who had previously dropped out. He was a good hearted guy and we had a lot of fun together. However, he had a temper, couldn't hold a job and had no qualms about living off his woman. For some reason I thought it would be good for us to live together. After graduating college I got a job working for an educational publisher in Boston. It was my dream job and I was very excited about opening the doors to the publishing world and starting my career. He worked at spa store in Nashua, NH. It was the only job he'd been able to hold for more than a few months since we were together and we decided it was important for us to live somewhere in between our two 'offices'.

In between turned out to be Ayer, Massachusetts. At first glance it was perfect. A nice enough one bedroom apartment a few blocks up from the train station, a nice enough town with a restaurant and a pool hall. For some reason I totally pressured myself to be all that I could be in domestication. After commuting an hour and 45 minutes both ways to my job I would come home and make some sort of meat and potatoes dinner, watch TV and pass out. On the weekends I would grocery shop, pay bills and clean house. My money was the only money that could be applied to household needs, bills, and rent.

My boyfriend at the time ended up going through 3 or 4 jobs, never holding down anything solid. I ended up loosing touch with a lot of my friends, alienating my family and I was so exhausted from the commute to work that I was getting migraines every other day. He spent his days hanging out at home building star wars lego ships while I busted ass to make a life for us. I finally snapped-to one day and kicked him out.

After that experience I promised myself that I would never move-in with a boy unless I was married to him. Now I've got this great opportunity for a new job out west. I've got to take it. But, I have this amazing man in my life that I'm not going to loose for anything. So, we'll move in together and I'll amend my original promise to myself.

I promise that in this incarnation of living with a boy I will:
-keep my friends and my social life!
-not do all of the cleaning
-cook what I want, when I want (which usually happens to be everything all the time)
-maintain an active lifestyle
-foster new friendships and community
-remain sexy and mysterious
-never take my relationship or my individuality for granted

The thing is I'm not worried about any of these things. Zack is truly an angel of a man. He encourages and supports me to be the best I can be in all areas of my life. He inspires me to be a better humanitarian, to foster relationships outside our own, to reach as far out as I can to live my dreams. This move is going to be hard for both of us, we're leaving a seriously comportable and cushy life here.


Thursday, October 06, 2005

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

i'm dreaming

Whoa Nelly! I have been having some crizazy dreams lately. It could be a result of a few things:

1.) I'm so exhausted at the end of the day, I'm in bed by 10:30 and so have been getting about 9 hours of sleep a night.
2.) I've been sleeping solo (or with Obi Cat) for almost three weeks.
3.) I am STRESSED out.

Some of the interesting things that have popped into my dreamscapes over the past couple of days:

1.) Hot boys hand feeding me crumbly baked goods.
2.) Hot boys playing music for me.
3.) Winning a pogostick-down-a-flight-of-spiral-stairs competition against hot boys.
4.) Drinking hot boys under the table.
5.) Being part of street gang, getting involved in a skirmish at a convenient store, whipping out a cell-phone gun, shooting a AAA battery into a chip display, resulting in a huge explosion, almost shooting hoy boy by mistake.

Notice any themes?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

thoughts on aid

I was talking to Zack last night about how things are going at the center where he's volunteering. The crowd of people is beginning to change. Over the past two weeks he's met some amazing people with amazing stories. Families broken up with houses ruined, people in serious need of money to help them rebuild their lives. These folks have been so kind to him and are truly appreciative of the aid they are receiving (however insufficient it may seem).

It seems though that now the word is out that people in these counties can receive free money. The attitude is changing. People are more demanding and condescending there because they feel they are entitled to this free money. I don't understand how someone with a home intact, a steady income and a family united can stand next to someone who has lost so much and actually feel okay about taking handouts from charitable organizations. Do they actually think that they fall into the same class as those who were directly affected by the hurricane? Do they think there is an unlimited supply of money to be given out from the Red Cross? I hope these people realize what they're taking, who they are affecting, and how their attitudes are influencing the people around them.

I am especially worried for those in poor rural communities in Mississippi, Alabama, Louisiana, and Texas. How are people supposed to rebuild without a local economy? There are so many people out there who were scraping to get by before and now that their internal commerce has been wiped out, they really have no hope of rebuilding on their own. I hope that organizations like Habitat for Humanity will find these little towns and help these sweet southerners. They have taken such good care of my boyfriend and all the other volunteers down there. Their hearts are big, their spirituality fierce, and their communities strong. I pray that God is watching out for them, that the government realizes the need for aid, and that other volunteers give their gracious time and energy there to help these small rural communities get back on their feet.

Monday, October 03, 2005

smashing my internal odometer

There is so much to do and to consider right now I am certainly feeling overwhelmed. Finding a super-lovely-safe-pretty apartment in a city three thousand miles away is not easy. Learning an entirely new list of books and where they fit in the market is daunting. Leaving my family and friends and support system is terrifying. Moving in with the boyfriend is exciting but also scary. Figuring out how to do all this and come out financially on top is freaking impossible. It's all exciting though and I've got a lot of support right now from everyone around me.

I can't wait to get out of this cubicle! 9 more days after today and I'm free from the 9-5 doldrums that have been my existence for the past two years. I really do love the people I work with and my office space is rather nice and sunny considering. However, I've been yearning hard core for the past year or so for something more challenging, for a home office, for the ability and responsibility to travel.

Here is a list of all the things I need to get before I go:
-Desk Chair
-Dining Room Table
-Dining Room Chairs
-Professional Backpack
-Filing Cabinets

If a random wealthy reader is inspired by my plight and wants to donate to the cause, please don't hesitate! Or, if my fellow middle of the roaders hear of anything available in the area that might work out for my situation, give me a buzz. I'm in desperate need here for this stuff and I'm not ashamed to accept charity.

This next month is going to be a whirlwind of cramming, goodbyes, and new adventures. Zack comes home in a week! I'm SO PROUD of him for volunteering all this time, energy, and emotion for Katrina victims. He is doing an awesome job down there in the deep south! This boy has amazing organization and action skills. And, he's by far the most giving and inspired man I've ever met. I have to say though that I can't wait for him to be home so that we can discuss and plan for all of this.