i am my turtle

Sometimes I get paralyzed by myself. Like a turtle I am stuck inside my shell. I want to come out, I want to be myself but I am unable to speak. Somehow my ideas are not up to par, I don't follow the authors and topics of conversation. Where does this stuff come from? Since when did I find myself living under a rock?

I'm missing one of my best friend's weddings right now, traveling for business, doing all kinds of corporate stuff, learning a lot, and participating in more small talk than is natural. Pray I come out alive!!