Thursday, November 30, 2006

NaBloPo Me

Yeow! Today is the last day of NaBloPoMo. It's been such a good exercise, to find something worth sharing with the world every single day. I don't think these posts have been my best necessarily, but they've been real and honest and frequent.

I'm so up and down emotionally lately. I don't share a lot of it here as this place is theoretically public and I tend to be quite private when it comes to my feelings. The thing is, I've been grappling with the same issues for years. And, I think they're the same issues a lot of people struggle with. Questioning self-worth, success, intelligence, physicality, happiness. Lately though, I'm feeling all of these things within a bubble. Sometimes I wake up and I feel trapped, like I'm suffocating inside a pink bubble. It's the bubble I'm supposed to put all my worries in and then release into the wind. I feel like I'm stuck inside it, without oxygen, my life is tinted pink and I'm drifting aimlessly.

The end of the year is coming up and I'm hoping and praying for change. I need to grow some temporary balls to break the seal of this bubble. I just want to be happy. I want to be smart and successful. I want to grow, not stagnate. This post has turned into a diatribe of personal feelings. Perhaps this is a first step to enacting change, to throw it out into the universe and claim it as my own.

Thank you NaBloPoMo for challenging me, for making me feel like a part of an entirely new community of writers. And, for ultimately giving me a record of thoughts from each day in a month of a year in the life of me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

my life changed when i threw it out into the world...asking for a change in happiness. it all got better. i confessed how much i wanted and how unsatisfied i was and life started to change i met tj and we started to make jewlery and i am in a whole new place from where i was. all because i asked. when the time is right you will find your happiness. i can't think of another person who deserves unequivical happiness more than you do. you have all my love and support and prayers for your bubble to pop and to be able to breath a deep breath of happiness.

with love,