Thursday, June 23, 2005


I like to think of myself as a very together kind of young woman. I've got my jobs and I try to do well at what I do. I like to stay active, be outside. I'm well groomed (most of the time) and I try to make good first impressions. I've got a very healthy social life and a wonderful circle of friends. I have goals and aspirations. I also have neuroses.

I think too much. I worry about the cats and how they're getting along. I worry that they'll trip over the cord of the iron and get knocked in the head by the ironing board. I worry that I'll leave the tea kettle on and burn down the house. I'm plagued with the fear that the one night I leave the door unlocked, an intruder will come into my apartment and unleash some horrid, painful, torturous monstrosity on my roommate and I. I stress out over the state of my bank account daily. I worry that I'll get fat. I worry that I won't be open to true, unconditional love without constant fear of abandonment. I worry about my parents and my siblings and their happiness.

All this worrying really takes a toll after a while. None of these are things I can control really. Logically, I know that if I live a good life, good things will happen. If I work hard at my goals, I'll achieve them. Tragedy happens to everyone at some point in their lives and I can't spend all my days just waiting for the worst. But, how do I turn these safe and sound thoughts into my reality? How do I stop freaking out internally and enjoy all these blessings cushioning my life? How do I work out problems without going to the extreme worst case scenario? That is the question of the day.

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